the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
