Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
