Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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