ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
