For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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