forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
