he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
