I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
