you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
