At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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