Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
