There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
