so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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