How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
