I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
