Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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