Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
