I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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