take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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