Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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