4 words: hood of his car
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
