I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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