I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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