im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
