I'm gonna have a badass scar
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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