Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cut my penus on the lid.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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