i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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