i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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