we made out on top of his cat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
