Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
