peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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