I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
