Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
