dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
