Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
