The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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