If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
