Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
