I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
