What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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