I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
