so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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