You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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