So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
