It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You made out with two different species that night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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