I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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