he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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