My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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