I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
