Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
