Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
