im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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